Hi! I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to Chai Beauty, where I get to share my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, my visions for the future. And guess what? You get to be along for this journey. Because we are in this together.
You're so funny. I love it when you pay attention to what I'm saying. Um, I don't know what I want to do today. As long as we're doing it together. Um, oh, I know. How about I read this book and I purchase another one so you can read it too. And then we can read it together. What do you think? Or, um, let me think.
Okay, um, you can just come here, and we can just spend time together. What do you think? No, we don't have to talk. You can do your own thing. You can stay on your Instagram. No, I can stay in the car. Nope. Mm hmm. No, I'm good. Oh, you want to go out to dinner? Okay, let's do that. Oh, Let's do bowling. Oh, how am I feeling?
Um, I feel different. Um Today at work I know I'm saying um a lot, but when you ask me how I feel, I get really nervous. And I don't want you to reject me. Does this sound like you? Are you an um, person, fiddling with your thumbs, not making eye contact? Do you just want to do an activity with someone or just be in the room and their presence make you feel loved?
If you're wondering what this is, simple quality time and as usual, during this time when we talk about quality time, I can speak a lot on this one. This is my primary love language, quality time. Just like other things we talked about in the previous chapters where it comes to gifts, receiving gifts, to be honest and giving.
Acts of service, receiving and giving, of course, and words of affirmation, which is receiving and giving. You come to think, for me personally, when I had the quality time, I kind of got them confused with acts of service and words of affirmation, simply because when it came to those. Love languages, it's hard, it's confusing.
Because for me, when, all the time, when I get a letter from you, that makes me happy because in my mind, I'm thinking, you thought about me and this letter is meant for me and you told me how you felt, even though we weren't in the same state or same area. You're still willing to spend five or ten minutes to write with me.
And that makes all the difference.
Quality time is very important. I think people get that confused or sometimes they think quality time is just a simple thing of like, I'm showing up, I'm there, which I agree, like those are very fundamental like things that people need, but quality time is expressed very differently. There are people.
That like quality time where we're not doing anything, there is quality time with activities. Quality time for just being with a person, that presence, that essence, that, that vibe that nobody knows, but you and that person. And as I get older and I reflect on that quality time, it becomes more precious. I think the pandemic shows like when you can't go nowhere, like you stuck in the house.
You can't be with the people that you want to be with. And you crave that essence, that vibe that only those in. those people can bring enjoyment to. And as I ponder and pontificate like what quality time means to me it's that it's it really is that laying in your bed your windows open and letting the rain air come.
Like I don't know if people have ever done that but it's a whole vibe and like you listen to your favorite music. Sorry, I like broken heart broke songs. Like I like somebody breaking my heart with the music. I just think that's a whole vibe or it's like you're listening to jazz music. I'm kind of getting into that but that's how I explain quality time with a person that you really care about and love.
They're that rain. They're that music they're that they're they just set the scene and they're so precious and You never know when you get that time back or you never know when you lose that time. And for a person that really values quality time, it takes it a step further because these people understand, I think very clearly, that time as you get older gets shorter.
Psychologically, analytically, like, yeah, yeah, you, we hear you, you got 24 hours. But it, it, it really isn't because think about it, when you were a child, you only had one obligation, go to school. And if your parents were extracurricular, they gave you some extracurricular activities, right? So, you probably were in school at 7 o'clock, got done by 3, got to high school, got done by 4, maybe 5.
But you had 5 to like 8 o'clock, so 3 hours to play with people, right? Then you hit your 20s. It's a free for all. We all took them naps in college. So, it's like you hung out. So, you used a lot of quality time and then you went to classes, you chose your schedule, were you a morning person, were you an evening person, or were you even like an afternoon person that just was like, hmm, I don't mind night class.
I don't mind seeing y'all just once a week. It's fine. I did all three by digress, right? And then after college you have the workforce and people Didn't tell me about these different shifts. So, you got the, I'm probably going to mess this up, but you got first shift. I think that's like nine to five, right?
Something like that. Then you have second shift, which is like five to, is that like? Midnight or something and then you got third shift, which was like 5 a. m Till like midday And then people start talking about schedules and I learned that people actually do 4 10s or 3 12s so Yeah, like you got all these different options and everybody chooses a different path like with their career So there are going to be times when your friends can't hang out with you There's some times when they really want to but they like man, I just got sick I used all my PTO vacations and now I got to stay at the job like It's very intriguing and corporations only want to give us three weeks.
It's like three weeks out of 52 weeks. Like that's what you're doing? Okay, that don't make sense. But it just emphasizes that quality time, like how you need to value these people. And people are like, I'm for the, I'm not for the streets, I'm for the sheets. But it's like you sleeping is taking away quality time for someone important in your life.
And I think as you transition from college to like early careers, you value that sleep so much more and you realize how much time is really saving from you. Um, but it's one of those things where I think at a certain point in a certain time, you just reinvest. Investigate your life and reassess and say, am I doing my part in my relationships?
Not only the relationships that I want to lead to relationship goes or even like a healthy committed relationship, or have you even reinvested? reinvested in the family members that like you grew up with or supported you your entire life and now you're like oh and you're like we could we kick it and it's been like two years since you talked to him or you talked to him ever but me.
I think that's quality time and that's showing up when you literally reinvestigate your life and say I'm not showing up for these people maybe I should value these people a lot more and you know. Does weekly check ins. Say, hey, how are you? Like, are you okay? Now, hey, and sometimes you may not have anything to say with these people.
You just may be there and just be like, I just want to hear your voice. I just want to make sure you're okay. And get to know their lives because that's how you lose those connections with people. That's how, like, you're like, I know that cousin. But I don't know that because like I heard of them like I got a face and my name like I know them but if you ask me what their favorite color is I can't tell you or you asked me what they did last week don't know.
But that's when you have to value people and care about them and then realize like at some point in your life like your support system is going to call on you spiritually, spiritually and are you ready for it? Like, they may be weary, and they may just need to hear your voice and be like, hey, do you even know ghetto days?
And I used to kick it at your place, and we used to have a good time. And we used to do these activities and we used to do all that. And they agree and they're like, oh. And just having that moment with them on quality time on the phone just reemerges their spirits, their love, their care for the world.
And I... I think as, as a person that loves quality, I love quality activities, I'm also learning quality silence, which I'll talk about more later on. Um, there's more to come with this series, but even in those qualities, different spectrums, I like to call them. You have to figure out what relationships are through which.
There are people that I have, that I have and will just go to their house and sleep on their couch. Like, I'm just like, I just want to look at another four-sided wall, um, and want to be with you. There are people that I, like, You, you're so fun. I just want to do an activity with you, like you're my person.
They like, I can go to the zoo with and just be lolly at the zoo play. Do you see that? Did you see what that monkey said? Um, and that's, that's a different season in a different time and it just helps people, you know. Um, and then you also have to realize like that quality time, you're really going to, I, you're really going to need.
And remember in those times where you're, you are by yourself and you have to remember the good times you have with that person because there's going to be a season where you really want to be with this person and they just like, I'm tired. I need to reassess. I need to work on myself and working on yourself is not.
Probably talking to them as often as you used to or listening to them as often as you used to it's giving them their space and When you're giving them a space and you feel like you're sad and lonely and miss them it's like you're going to remember those times where you had a good time and you laugh and you valued and Their presence, their essence, that vibe, you know, and as the best advice I can say is like Reassess yourself like understand that Yes, you are important.
Yes, you are great. Yes, you're amazing but are you doing your part in our relationship? Are you doing your part to show up and care for somebody the way that they need to be cared for? Or are you just seeing them once a month and thinking that's good or every blue moon like blue moons can be six months 12 months a year or like whenever you feel like talking to it and it's like these people have had your back or you talk to them literally every day and you're not talking to them anymore.
It's like, why? What happened? What, not what you did, but it's like, what made this relationship so different that I stopped talking to this person or I find something different? And you may have valid points, but remember that as seasons change, let it change with grace, let it change with, let it change with mercy, let it change with goodness, and let it change with love.
Because as we talk about on these journeys, we're dealing with the Enneagram in my first series. All these numbers and these personalities have something to give you if you let it, if you just listen to them, if you care for them. Um, I think as we continue this journey together to really think about like, how have you utilized quality time?
How have you prioritized others in your life? And how has your personality changed over seasons? As always, please check out my Instagram, my Facebook page, and my Patreon account if you want to donate some money, um, to help this cause. There's more to come in this series. And I'm just grateful to be on this journey with you.
Thank you.
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