Resentment is not for you. Let it go and enjoy the moments in your life because life is too short. you are not entitled to anything but your perspective but it does not mean it is. the TRUTH. In this episode of Chai Beauty, the host explores the concepts of anger and resentment, particularly in relation to the enneagram type 1, also known as 'The Perfectionist.' The discussion highlights how resentment is a form of low-grade anger triggered by perceived unfairness, and how these emotions can undermine relationships and personal growth. Using the analogy of nurturing a plant, the host encourages self-reflection and embracing imperfections to overcome these negative feelings. Practical advice is offered, such as writing down emotions to better understand underlying issues. The episode emphasizes the importance of vulnerability, acceptance, and loving others as they are.
Understanding Anger and Resentment in the Anger Triad
In this episode of Chai Beauty, the host explores the nuances of the anger triad, focusing on the Number 1 personality type characterized by internalized anger. The discussion delves into how perfectionism and the impossible standards set by 1s lead to resentment. Using a plant care analogy, the host explains the impacts of unaddressed anger and resentment on one's life. The importance of introspection, vulnerability, and accepting imperfections to overcome these emotions is emphasized. Viewers are encouraged to reflect on their feelings and engage in healthy, honest conversations.
00:00 Welcome to Chai Beauty
00:37 Understanding the Anger Triad
01:20 The Perfectionist's Struggle
02:04 Exploring Resentment and Anger
04:02 Personal Reflections on Anger
04:33 The Plant Analogy
07:28 Steps to Overcome Resentment
10:46 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
Hi, I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to Chai Beauty, where I get to share my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, my visions for the future. And guess what? You get to be along for this journey because we are in this together.
In the previous episode, we talked about an 8, a 9, and now we're moving on to a 1. But before I talk about the 1, I would like to remind you that an 8, a 9, and a 1 are a part of a triad. The triad is the anger, or gut triad. These numbers are driven by anger, 8 externalizes it, 9 forgets it, and a 1 internalizes it.
They take in and respond to life instructions, or the gut level. They tend to express themselves honest, honestly, and direct. So, when a 1 is the perfectionist. Ethical. Dedicated and reliable. They are motivated by a desire to live in the right way, improve the world, and avoid faults and blames. That sounds like a really great person.
However, one's deadly sin is anger. Ones feel a compulsion need to be perfect in the world. Keen aware that neither they nor anyone else can live up to their impossible high standards. They experience anger in the forms of smothering resentment. So, our topic today is resentment and anger.
Probably wondering why, I chose resentment and anger together. Well, here's a quote from psychological today. com. A form of low-grade anger, resentment is more defensive than it is aggressive. It's triggered by a perspective or perception of unfairness, of not getting the praise, the reward, or affection to which one feels entitled to.
It goes on to say that Resentment and anger undermine self-correcting motivation. It mostly fails in intimate relationship and social interactions are due to resentment and anger because you the person refuses to be vulnerable. They always have to prove or have evidence.
to back up Their resentment and anger and why they should feel the way they feel.
At the age I am, at 23, anger and resentment are a very, very dangerous look on life. You can resent so much and forget. The good parts about life. For me personally, it's like
a tree or a plant that you're trying to grow. You spend all this time nurturing the tree, loving the tree, making sure it has the right sunlight, making sure the soil is moist, it's not dry. Checking to see is it brown, checking Google to see, am I even doing this right? And then when the plant starts wilting and you start seeing the brown and you start seeing the discoloration, you build resentment because you have invested so much time and effort into making this plant so great and you did your research that angry.
At the plant, you say, you say stuff to the plant, so you stop giving the plant words of affirmation. You, you forget why you bought the plant in the beginning. You forget that the reason you chose the plant was because you knew this plant challenged you. So, when people are in this state of resentment, they forget the why they started doing the things they did.
Whether that's with people, events, and plants, if I'm going to be honest. A plant is just an easy analogy because plants take time. They take energy. They take skill. That has to be learned. There are people that started, that are naturally green thumpers and there are people that start to be a green thumb.
But in those lessons, these people forget that anger and resentment is again by choice. You can choose to resent the thing you put so much energy in, or you can truly take a step. And accept that plant the way it is and say clearly, I don't know what I'm doing, and I don't know how to correct this behavior or these things I'm giving you such as this water and this light.
Maybe it's the wrong soil, but because you never took a step back to realize that the soil may be that. The issue where you never touched the soil or got a third opinion on the soil, that you look around and say, well, this plant was bad in the beginning and you make all these excuses, not only for yourself, but for the plant.
So, I encourage people, don't be in your resentment, don't be in your anger. Take a step back, reflect on yourself and think about the things we talked about in the beginning with your own ability. Think about the things that you haven't said out loud. Were you excellent with the plant? Was it even the plant's season to bloom?
Were you expecting something out of this plant before it was even its time? Were you calling the plant a sloth? It may have not even been the plant's season. And you're resenting it because it's not where you want it to be. It's not where you need it to be. Again, I'm saying it's not where you want it to be.
It's not where you need it to be. But have you ever asked the plant what it wanted to do or what it needed from you? It may be like; you water me too early in the morning. I need a little nighttime remedy. Okay. I need a nighttime care. Or it is like, you have me too directly in the sun, like I'm sunburned.
Do you not see I'm turning brown because the sun is there? Or this soil is not the best soil for me and my roots to attach underneath and grow and thrive. Maybe I need some fertilizer. I need a little extra stimulus.
But again, you will never know that in your phase of resentment and anger. You only realize those things when you take a step back and think and say, why am I doing the things I'm doing for the results that are clearly not delivering at the time and the pace I want? Am I setting a deadline that is impossible to adhere to?
But it's that deadline that will keep me motivated because I think it's my purpose. But that purpose may actually be a distraction. Is your resentment and your anger a distraction from your true feelings and the true things you need to understand? Is
your anger and your resentment in bold and blank words a mask for I'm afraid of rejection? I'm afraid to be vulnerable, I'm afraid to be intimate, I'm afraid... To listen to someone else because then I have to shed my mask and share to this person what I have done wrong, but I refuse to because their wrong is worse than my wrong.
So, I don't have to say anything You know, I have all the things you did wrong and yours clearly outranks mine
maybe it's time to take a step back and Remember What I said in the beginning, it's all about loving thou neighbor. It's all about not loving what you see in someone else that resembles you but accepting that person for who they are and saying, I hear you, I acknowledge you, and I know you.
And when you truly love thou neighbor, we can continue to have this healthy platform on this channel, we can continue to have discussions and agree to disagree, but everyone has backbone and they're proud of what they think. But we can still commit to something. So, I encourage you, if you ever have resentment or anger, write it down.
And go into details about what made you angry, and was that truly the feeling that you had, or was there something underneath that you haven't thought about?
This is me signing off, but remember to follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook to continue to have these healthy conversations at Chai Beauty.
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