Are you looking around and using everything at your disposal? In this episode of Chai Beauty, the speaker shares their personal journey of recovering from a serious injury and the challenges they faced in seeking help and setting boundaries. They reflect on the importance of understanding the difference between personal responsibilities and burdens, and how confessing struggles to a community can aid in emotional healing. Throughout the script, the speaker emphasizes the need for honest self-assessment and the importance of learning to ask for support when necessary. This season, we are talking about boundaries with two good books. They are Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Paperback – October 3, 2017 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author) and Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – February 27, 2018 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author).
Journey of Healing and Boundaries
In this episode of Chai Beauty, our host shares a deeply personal journey of recovery from severe physical injuries and the lessons learned about setting boundaries and asking for help. Reflecting on scriptural teachings and personal experiences, the discussion delves into understanding personal responsibility, the importance of community support, and the transformative power of confession and self-awareness. Tune in for insights on navigating life's challenges with grace and resilience.
00:00 Welcome to Chai Beauty
00:39 Understanding Boundaries
01:06 Personal Struggles and Therapy Journey
02:19 Asking for Help
07:35 Confession and Community
09:26 Reflecting on Personal Growth
10:21 Future Aspirations and Final Thoughts
14:26 Conclusion
Hi! I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to Chai Beauty, where I get to share my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, my visions for the future, and guess what? You get to be along for this journey because we are in this together.
The next part is, what are boundaries to and from? We are responsible to others and for ourselves so high level it just talks about Galatians and Some of the things that it talks about is when you have acted as if your boundaries are your daily load and have refused help Where are you? Where are you doing this at?
I think I've been giving the feedback twice was that I wasn't using my resources so high level is like I'm in a season where I've broken both of my legs and my right shoulder and it has required me to basically be off of work And go to therapy three times a week forsince, let's see, July, August, September, October or November for four months.
So, I went to therapy three times and then it was, I was so weak that it took pool therapy because I was just in so much pain. So, once I got out of pool therapy and then translate it to Land therapy and then from land therapy, I went from three times a week to now I'm two times a week and in that time, people were like, well, we want to help.
We just don't know how. And I, I question even now when I'm thinking about when was the right time to ask for help? Because there was like in July. I was in shock, um, because I woke up in the hospital the second week.Um, we were, they were trying to figure out what to do with me after the hospital and the sense of like, where I'm going for rehab.
And so, my environment, the first three weeks in July was. The environment was changing so I didn't have stability, I would say, to figure out and then I had to be resilient in the sense of like, oh snap, things are happening. But it's not like I can say, oh no, I don't want to do these things. It's like, no, I need to think and ponder and figure out.
My next steps. And so, when you're trying to figure out your next steps, you also have to figure out how can you ask for help.
And so, when I thought about how can I ask for help and listen to this question when it says, when you have acted as if your burdens are your daily load and have refused help, where are you, where are you doing this today? I was like, oh snap. I was in a traumatizing situation, and I took it as my daily load when I actually could Take in a moment to be like this is my new normal and this is traumatizing.
I hear it and I need help, But I don't know how to ask for help Had It wasn't difficult in the sense of like Asking for help, it was more difficult in the sense that people were like, we could have done more if we had a new. And I was like, I get it. Um, it was overwhelming and I'm sorry at the sense, but not sorry, not even sorry.
The correct word is like, I can't ask for something that I don't know. Um, and so. That led me to the second question is, when you have acted as if your daily load is a burden that you shouldn't have to carry, where are you doing this in your load, in this today? So, when I've acted as if my daily load is a bit, uh, a boulder that you shouldn't carry, I don't think I've ever acted like that, um, in the sense that my daily load is a burden.
It's something I can't hear you. I think I'm more independent and there are just times that I need to know that, um, I don't have to do everything myself and I can rely on people just, and I, I always contemplating what can I ask for help and what can't I ask for help and. Again, with those negative thoughts that I've talked about, it leads me to not ask and I just use my strong will, but I do believe I'm in a season where I constantly hear in the back of my mind that strong will can only get you so far, and straight, uh, strategy will get you even further, so that's networking, understanding somebody, talking to somebody, um, and also learning how to ask for help.
So, then the second question is, what have these two questions helped you see about yourself and what would you do with it,
with what you've learned?And then the last part of it is, in order to not stay in pain or become irresponsible, it's important that you determine what me is, where your boundaries of responsibility lie, and where someone else begins. Look at. More closely at the nature of these boundaries and then it goes further to say good in bad out.
So, in the chapter, it gives you a high level, like all these different things. So that property that I talked about the fences, and it says this fence around your property, you, our boundaries need to gate in them so that we can let out the bad when it's inside. What pain and sin do you need to get through confession so that it does not continue to poison you on the inside?
So, I thought that was a great question. Um, I need to find my phone. So, I listened to Mike Todd and there was a season where he was like, you need to confess to your neighbors and your friends. Um, something. Um, cuffing, you need, uh, cuffing season was that, that I heard from him, and he was like, you need to confess with your neighbors, so you don't have these issues anymore, right?
And so that, the good end with the good end out with the bad, I confessed to some neighbors about things that I just felt were challenging for me and they were bad for me. And so that was in, I actually have the text message. That was like in April.Um. April the 2nd, it was on a Sunday.And so, I said, if I'm very transparent, um, sleeping the day away because sometimes I want to numb my emotions and thought financially, knowing that I'm not staying within budget, but God always gives me, um, always gives me a way, but I don't want, I don't want to displease him.
Um, Work. It distracts me from seeking God and understanding that He gives me a purpose. Isolation. When I'm hurt, I don’t confront because I never truly value and wait for others to disappoint me. So, I don't have to build community. Lies. I don't like getting in trouble and me, and I have changed, but I slip, and I want to own up faster to my mistakes.
I want to change these patterns in Jesus’ name, I pray, I pray to change me. Um,
and I thought about that because in April, I confessed this. To my neighbors and the people that are close to me. And I would say I don't have these issues that I have that the sleep of what I have because like I'm in rehab and like they aren’t nothing to do. Like, there are things that people are push have asked me to do.
So, like, I have a degree in HR, I have a degree in entrepreneurship, and I just got a master's degree in project management. And people are like, so when do your goanna take the SRM test? When do your goanna take the PMP? And when are your goanna, like I already got my certification of SRM, but people are like, when are your goanna do next?
Like, this is the season to do those things. But honestly, when I first got injured, God just said, rest. And that's what I've done because even in rest, that just means God has to take care of the rest. I am in the season of currently applying for jobs because of this injury. I don't know if I can come back to my job and they can accommodate what I'm going through, right?
And so that's just me preparing for the next season. But do I know how all this is going to play out? Absolutely not. But I ultimately go back to Uh, an episode that I watched on Tim Ross where it said, um, somebody said, the now is not your future. And that took me as in like, right, whatever I'm doing right now, I will not continue to be doing this forever because the only thing that is permanent is that everything changes.
And going back to the good in, the bad out. I have to confess to myself that it's going to be okay. And so, And I also have to know that like in these things that I've confessed to pass as a result of past injuries, have you reversed the function of boundaries? What are you using them to keep in the bad and the good out?
What pain are you holding inside rather than expressing it and getting it out of your soul? Where are you not opening up to love and support from the outside that would bring healing? And so that was a mouthful. And you're probably like, girl you just like told all this story and then you just swiped to a question.
It makes sense. So, to wrap up everything that I'm saying right now. In those seasons where I confessed on April the 2nd of these things, I think if I hadn't confessed to those things in July when my injury happened, I would have lied. I would have slept more than I'm sleeping now, and I sleep a lot. Um, I would have not been able to say I'm injured, I'm hurt.
I wouldn't even be able to do this method that my friend taught me, P. O. S. E., which is like, how are you physically, how are you intelligently, how are you emotionally, and how are you spiritually. I think I would have lied to her and myself. Um, yes, can I do better ask for help? I think, at least I'm trying, I'm progressing, I'm not perfect.
Um, and again, what you don't know is what you don't know and give yourself grace for that. And, in that season of saying all these things, and I feel like I keep saying it again.But there is an and because I feel like there's not a stop to this point of view is you have to confess and you have to build community and you have to figure out what is in your soul that is good and what is in your soul that is bad and where you taught these things as a child, where you taught these things through experiences because the confession of the lies was like.
I somewhat was taught it's okay to lie, like small lies, it's fine. Instead of just being like, I'm not showing up. Okay, like delete my number. Don't press send. Don't collect 200.
And that is not the best answer. The best answer is to say, I hear you. But I don't have capacity. for what you're saying at the moment.Potentially I'll help it later or this aren’t my problem in the nicest way possible and unfortunately like I hear you, but I can't do anything for you or be safe in the space of saying Honestly, I'm just having a really tough day and I mentally can't carry my own daily load or my own burden at the moment.
And so, because I'm having issues carrying my own load, I’m going to need you to help me by allowing me to have moments to myself to fix myself. And then eventually I'll be able to help you. Thank you for watching.