Are you Intune with your feels that warn you and do you boundaries that prioritizes in check, while life is happen? In this Chai Beauty video, the host delves into the topic of boundaries and their importance, referencing the story of the Good Samaritan to illustrate the consequences of lacking boundaries. The discussion transitions into understanding feelings, how to manage them, and their impact on one's heart. Personal anecdotes are shared about dealing with sadness, anger, and confrontation, highlighting the journey of self-discovery and growth. The script further touches on the themes of personal responsibility, parental influence, and self-love, encouraging viewers to reflect on their own emotional management, relationships, and the flow of love in their lives. This season, we are talking about boundaries with two good books. They are Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Paperback – October 3, 2017 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author) and Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – February 27, 2018 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author).
Exploring Boundaries and Emotional Awareness
In this episode of Chai Beauty, we delve into the concept of boundaries, inspired by the story of the Good Samaritan. We discuss the importance of recognizing and managing internal and external pressures, and the significance of owning and addressing our feelings. The host reflects on personal experiences with avoidance, anger, and frustration, and how journaling, therapy, and self-awareness have played a role in emotional growth. The discussion extends to the importance of taking responsibility for one's actions and the flow of love in our lives. Questions about self-love, receiving love, and the influence of attitudes and beliefs are posed to help listeners reflect and grow on their journey.
00:00 Welcome to Chai Beauty
00:42 Understanding Boundaries
01:28 Exploring Feelings and Emotions
05:09 Dealing with Anger and Frustration
09:15 Personal Growth and Self-Reflection
12:04 The Flow of Love
Hi, I’m so happy you're here. Welcome to Chai Beauty, where I get to share my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, my visions for the future. And guess what? You get to be along for this journey because we are in this together. That's
all I can say. Cause, now that we've talked about what are boundaries, we go with what are boundaries within. So, the book goes, tells the story of the Good Samaritan, but then it gives you the what ifs. Like, and so that was really insightful. Again, you should get the book, but basically it said, what if the person that was helped started complaining saying, I need you to be with me more.
I need you to help me more. And the Samaritan decided that they weren't going to go off and do their business in Jericho. They were actually going to stay there and help that person that was injured. And this person basically, the good Samaritan had business to take care of. And that business due to the lack, of boundaries they missed out on that business and potentially a business could go bankruptcy and that really had me thinking Um about like the book talked about pressure it talked about internal pressure and external pressure and really It goes back to feelings.
And so, in this section says feelings should neither be ignored nor placed in charge, they are signal that alert you to be aware of the condition of your heart. The feeling says to own you. The Bible says to own your feelings and be responsible for them. You must see them as your property so you can begin to find an answer to whatever issue they are pointing.
They can often motivate you to do so much good.What do you tend to do with your feelings? Ignore them or let them be in charge. Why do you think you respond that way? What do you tend to do with the feelings of anger? If you are nursing any feelings of anger right now, what problems that need to be addressed are they, are they pointing you towards?
What will you do about that problem? And I said, I don't know. You tell me, right? Give me the answers to it. But literally, what, what does your heart say right now? Have you even talked to your heart today? Have you journaled? Have you gone to therapy? Let’s again go back to why we're here and why we're trying to grow.
What is in your heart? That you've ignored, you soothe, or you just claim that that's not really the feeling.
And let's talk about it.
So, when I think about these questions about feelings, um, what do I tend to do with my feelings? I am definitely an avoidance flight person. Um, I did not take confrontation as a bad thing. I'm just a person that was like, uh, is this going to kill me? No. And I kind of walked off and was like, it's not killing me.
I'm just going to move on with my life. Um, and I just learned earlier in life, literally earlier life is usually like, what do you, your differentiation. But I learned that like, that is just me.Disassociating with my feelings and I'm not really living that emotion out. Like I'm not really acknowledging and giving it the time that it needs.
It doesn't have to control me, but like if I'm sad, I shouldn't stuff my tears. It's like I'm sad right now. Let me process that in the way of like me sitting. Like sometimes I just sit in the shower. Um, sometimes I sit on the edge of my bed, and I just write out why I'm sad so that I can like remember that.
This caused me to be sad, and why did it cause me to be sad, is usually how I go with it, is how I deal with my feelings now. Um, when it comes to anger, um, I, I’m not the best advice giver when it comes to anger. I think, I’m definitely get frustrated, and I can either just drop it, or I can, Escalate. I'm not a de escalator yet.
I'm practicing. I'm a work in progress. I know this. Um, but the fact that I've acknowledged that I'm angry, um, was a big step for me. But in my anger, some I've learned that, like, I'm not really angry. I'm frustrated with something. Or I'm disappointed. Or I've learned the word rejection. Like, oh, I took that personally when I really shouldn't have.
And so, I'm moving differently. Because I took that as a rejection and that has caused me to like slow down my pace and actually do something different. And so, it said like, did you have any problems? Have you addressed it? Like a long time ago, like 2015, I had a friend that came to LSU, we hung out and like, I'm really bad at writing.
Like, so bad that somebody was like, Is English your second language? And I was like, All I know is English. Um, because I’m just not that really good at it. In some dis in some parts. And I haven't really got to the root of that. I think it's just my brain sometimes sees a whole entire word, not a, like, a whole entire word there, like, and I keep going.
And because I wasn't very good at writing, it was really one of those insecurities for me and this person had very good intentand they were just, and we had just like got in a little spat, I wouldn't even call it an argument, it was like, we just was like da and, and I interpreted like, even though they said it in the, like, you know how like, in the TikTok’s they be like, I went to the store and then They played the back and it was like, girl, I went to the store, I did da.
Like, they make fun of like, what you think you sound versus what you sound. And so, it was a situation where this person said it so nicely and so sweetly, but I interpreted it so bad, that I actually ignored this person for a really, for a long time. Not my proudest moment. And then it's now 2023 and honestly, the, like, I We were playing a question game, and they were like, and I had the question of like, what's your least favorite memory of me?
And then this person asked me, what's your least favorite moment of me? And because I had worked through it already, um, I was like, oh, my least favorite memory was this story. Like you said this to me, and I didn't talk to you for a whole bunch of times. And this person was like, oh, I thought you just didn't talk to me because you were busy.
But the fact that I heard your feelings said a lot. And I was like, Oh yeah. Um, my bad, but like also I didn't give you the opportunity to explain yourself. I just felt, because that was me being me.And so that also taught to me about my attitude, and how your attitude can affect your beliefs, but only you can change them.
Uh, and I was like, my poor attitude. Like, poor
Like, how have I gone to God for my attitude? It's usually how I think about it, and I try to keep my attitude positive, or I try to be realistic. And so, like, how I handle my attitude and my beliefs is, like, I go to God. And I use Philippians 4. 8 and I use 1 Corinthians. Because, like, if God is love, then...
These are the ways he shows love, and I don't take them as situational based, I take them as people based. And this tends, um, and then one of the questions was, do you tend to feel responsible for other people's feelings, chores, and behavior, um, choices, and behavior? Um, not anymore. I used to think that I do the, ah.
Because of my strong will, I could change somebody's behavior if I did the right thing. And I've just been in situations in the course of like going to, um, the course of going into the workforce, um, and now seeing that I can do 110 and still not please somebody. Um, and I also had the responsibility of like, Behavior and values and one of the questions was What choices in your life have you failed to take responsibility for in whom you're blamed for?
For what circumstances are in your life and for a long time. I had one of my parental parents I blamed for a lot of things Just because they installed a lot into me and I came to a point that that was exhausting and then I realized like me having that geo, uh, geographic distance, also that emotional distance to look around my life and be like where I am right now was not my future was basically small steps led me to where I am right now.
And I'm actually in a good place. So why are you holding these things from this person? Because you’re basically being three years out of your parentals like guidance, help, because you isolated yourself. And if you're in a good place, that means you're in a good place. Um, and I also held them responsible for reaction and actions that I have now.
Um, but I've also learned how to reteach myself to be like, Ooh, I know that's your initial gut response, but that's not a good initial gut response and you need to change that. And so that goes with the thoughts process and the desire and the love. And so,
um, at this season in my life, um, I've done a very good job of it. I think I'm now at 20, what, how old am I? At 26. It's the giving and receiving love. I give a whole bunch, but I, I’ve seen patterns of myself where I self-sabotage and I can't receive love, um, on a large scale. Like it has to... I want to control how I receive love and so that's what led me to the Enneagram and the five love languages because I was trying to control love when I really just needed to accept it for who it is and so I'm in the season of constantly hearing constantly reminding myself what I want and what I need are not the same and so in that being said when we're talking about love The questions is just how are you working to make, to take more responsibility this week in what areas are you doing a fairly good job at taking responsibility?
What do you answer to, um, how healthy is the outflow of love in your life? What are you giving to others? The kind of unconditional love God gives you. And when I think about those questions and I challenge you for these questions is, how is your flow of love happening? Like, aren’t you loving people like you love yourself?
So, I love myself that I give myself gifts. I love myself that I go on dates with myself. I love myself enough that like sometimes I just walk in the mirror, and I be like, You a bad mama jam. Right? So, am I doing those things for other people? Am I telling people like, I love you? Am I telling people you're a bad mumbo jumbo?
Right? Am I Giving out what I want to receive and if I am the questions, I've been asking myself lately is why it is so difficult if you're giving out what you want to receive but you can't take it yourself. So, what do you need to work on? And so, I have to ask you yourself that how are you controlling the flow of your love, and what are you working on next?