There are moments in life that you slip, but apologize and adjust your control. In this video from Chai Beauty, the host opens up about personal experiences with manipulation and control, discussing traits of manipulative and aggressive individuals. The host shares a poignant story of unintentionally neglecting a friend post-graduation and reflects on the importance of recognizing and correcting such behaviors. The video emphasizes the significance of authenticity, self-awareness, and growth, urging viewers to be genuine friends and to avoid controlling tendencies. The host also introduces personal developments, including investment in a new website to foster community growth. This season, we are talking about boundaries with two good books. They are Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Paperback – October 3, 2017 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author) and Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – February 27, 2018 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author). This season, we are talking about boundaries with two good books. They are Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Paperback – October 3, 2017 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author) and Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – February 27, 2018 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author).
Self-Awareness and Growth: Overcoming Manipulation and Control
In this episode of Chai Beauty, the host shares personal reflections on manipulation and control, narrating an impactful story from college where they unintentionally hurt a close friend by only reaching out when in need. The host explores broader themes of self-awareness, regret, and personal growth, emphasizing the importance of authentic relationships and the negative impacts of controlling behavior. They also discuss experiencing depression and overcoming challenges with controlling individuals at work. The episode ends with a motivational message encouraging listeners to acknowledge their controlling or manipulative tendencies and strive to build genuine and supportive connections in their lives.
00:00 Welcome to Chai Beauty
00:38 Understanding Controllers and Manipulators
01:15 Personal Reflections on Manipulation
04:31 Dealing with Controlling People
07:51 Encouragement and Self-Awareness
11:55 Final Thoughts and Community Engagement
Hi, I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to Chai Beauty, where I get to share my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, my visions for the future. And guess what? You get to be along for this journey because we are in this together. And
when. The next one is controllers. They can be manipulative and they can be aggressive. We kind of know them as bullies.And we're still in chapter 3. Um, we're just going through like, the different type of people. And when I first read this one, I'm not gonna lie, I was like, that ain't me. Like, I don't manipulate and I listen to people's boundaries.
But then I was reminded of a time, and I'm really sad about it, but I'm also like, grateful that I knew this was about myself and I can move forward. So, I had a friend. And we were in college, um, and she had told me prior, like I was her best friend. Um, and also I was like her truly first friend. And when I graduated, um, this is no excuse, but for context, um, I graduated, I got into a big blow up with my family, um, on graduation day.
Then that January I got into like it just like we were already like upset about my graduation Um because things had transpired And it just it fasted that in January. Um I Called the new company I was working for and I was like, I can't work wait until june like what is your next opening? And they said like your next opening is in June February.
So I basically took that opportunity and I left, I'm from Texas so I left Texas. And um, I never looked back. But in doing that I've pretty much forsaken all my friends. Like I didn't talk, there were like certain people I talked to and that's only because they called me but that first, year, I was a professional and I just didn't talk to that friend.
And so, I would think about them and I would just text them and be like, hey, I'm working on this project. Do you mind if you can do this or this? And they felt that like I only contacted them when I needed something and I realized like they, they were a hundred percent accurate that I never reached out to them unless I needed something.
And I, all I could say was like, I didn't realize that I was doing that and I'm sorry. Um, and how can I make this better? And they were just like, I don't know if I want to be your friend anymore. And I said, that's fair, but you will always be my friend. So, have you had a moment where you didn't think you were the manipulator or even the controlling person, but in reality, you were, and you regret it?
And
when we talk about regret, it's like, um, I was just a manipulative person. I'm not a controlling person, I don't think. Um, but life happens and you want things a certain way and you, and somebody can feel like you're bullying them. I haven't had that experience, but I have had the experience where like a couple of times in life because I'm very, I wouldn't say I'm like soft spoken.
People say I'm very blunt, but I am more like, Oh, I'm nonchalant in life. Um, it's a coping mechanism. Um, so that I don't have to make decision again, that avoidance trait. Um, and. Um, when it came to dealing with people that were very controlling, uh, I let them have too much power. Like, I let them have so much power that I started having panic attacks.
I started being depressed and I was already a little depressed. Um, I am, as of yesterday, um, I have depression disorder. Like it's like I went to a psychiatrist. They were like, yeah, homie, you got this. Um, but I can remember that dealing with a controlling person, I, I just was so unhappy. Like I cried a lot.
I couldn't breathe. I asked God, like, why would you give me this opportunity just for this person to make me feel like I'm unworthy and that I, I can't get this job and they don't even understand why. Like I was hired in so many ways. I didn't say it, but like, that's what they said. And it just made me feel horrible.
When I say horrible, like I would go home and just go to sleep. And say, Lord, I don't want to go back to work. Like you got to find me something else to do. Sometimes I'll be like, I don't even want to go to sleep. Uh, because if I go to sleep, it's going to be the next day. And I have to, I have to like engage with this person.
And during that season,I, I got resources to help me speak up and say, Hey, I don't like the way you're speaking to me. And we can't change this. Like I'm willing to talk to somebody else. And I did talk to somebody else and it did not work out for me. I definitely ended up leaving that job the first time.
The second time I got fired, like I was on a pimp, got fired. Um, but I wrote a letter to be like, Hey, this person talked to me about like my hair. They told me what to wear, uh, what they prefer me to wear and stuff. Okay. Um, and even when I did follow their template, it still wasn't good enough. And I'm like, you wrote this, so all I'm doing is changing what you said.
So I don't understand why we're making this, um, complicated than it needs to be. So,It's just one of those opportunities you just learned. And I also learned that if I never experienced somebody being controlling, I wouldn't know what it felt like to be controlling. And I wouldn't be more self aware as a person to say like, Hey, I'm doing too much.
And if somebody comes to me and saying, Hey, I feel like you are overstepping. I can take a moment to correct myself. Even with the manipulation and me hurting that person's feelings in college, it made me step back and say, am I doing what I'm supposed to do as a friend? Um,Because I did count that person as a friend.
There's a lot of people that I just don't talk to, but I still count them as a friend. Um, and so I end up reaching out to people and I end up, um, currently, I haven't did it yet, but currently, like, I have, um, I bought stationeries, um, that I can write a letter to and I'm gonna, like, send it off to friends and people who just in this season of life where I really needed them, shown up for me and told me, like,Hey, you're gonna be okay.
Hey, I enjoy you. I enjoy being with you. I enjoy that you are super encouraging andthough life has given you a lot of limits this season, you haven't given up. You haven't said like, this is the end. I'm just gonna take it as it is. You are resilient and so I want to encourage you. To be resilient. I want to encourage you to be self aware.
I want to encourage you that if you're a controller, why are you controlling? Because there's nothing like we can control. People can do what we say in that moment, but when you're not looking, guess what? They're talking about you. They're saying like, this is the worst person I ever worked for. Or, I never want to see this person in this organization again.
I'm never working with this person again. Or you just have a high turnover rate. Or you don't have real friends and you only see these people at organizations, but they never like want to hang out with you outside of it, um, unless it benefits them.So don't be a controller. Because you're better than this.
Don't manipulate because you're better than this. Because why would you offer something up to someone? When they can't read your mind, they'd be disappointed when they don't do it or like, even when they do something, there's a price for it, then they don't want to help you at all. Or when they need you and they have to, it, it sucks for both parties because you know it's not genuine.
You know you're going to ask for something in return and they know you're going to ask for something in return. And so it's not, it doesn't have that compassion that we need.And you're probably saying that's easy said than done because then I won't have any friends Good, you should not have friends if you're manipulatingBecause I want you to have authentic friends.
I want you to have friends that Understand the core you and understand where you want to be in life Because if they can understand the core you and they can understand where you want to be in life they can rock through all those seasons that are trials and tribulations So I encourage everyone to take a moment and admitthat you may be controlling, you may be manipulative, you may be aggressive, but it's not the end to anything.
It's actually just the beginning. You're just growing as a person and you're going to put yourself in other people's shoes and remember that. You can do better. And you're going to do better. Starting today. And I'm so happy for you. Because I know it takes a lot, it took me a lot to admit this on this pod that, um, I can be manipulative at times.
But I catch myself and I remember that I can'task for something that I wouldn't ask myself to do. And I can't expect things from people. But I can. Truly help them and not want anything in return if they do it's just it's just a blessing
Hello, my friend. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this pod. Also, the past pods and all the ones you anticipate in the future. I've loved your comments and your reviews on Spotify. And as we continue to grow, I continue to think of other ideas. So currently, I'm investing in my website. So visit www.chaibeauty. org. There's no space. And you can see how I'm extending our community. Together. Because we are a family. So thank you.