Own your mistakes and understand why you acted like this. Can you move forward and do better? The speaker welcomes viewers to Chai Beauty, where she shares personal reflections on non-responsiveness and the impact of inattentiveness to others' attitudes, behaviors, and feelings. She recounts personal experiences of being non-responsive due to internal struggles and ADHD, recognizing her past failures to support others effectively. The script emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, apologizing for past mistakes, and the need to grow as an individual. The speaker also highlights the value of genuine support, understanding, and forgiveness in relationships, urging viewers to show grace and seek positive growth. The video concludes with gratitude for the audience's support and a mention of expanding the Chai Beauty community through a new website. This season, we are talking about boundaries with two good books. They are Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Paperback – October 3, 2017 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author) and Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – February 27, 2018 by Henry Cloud (Author), John Townsend (Author).
Embracing Growth: Navigating Non-Responsiveness and Healing
In this heartfelt episode of Chai Beauty, the host reflects on personal growth, addressing the impact of being non-responsive to others' feelings and behaviors. She shares her struggles with internal battles, including ADHD and personal insecurities, and acknowledges past failures in being supportive to friends. Through self-awareness and anecdotes, she emphasizes the importance of apologizing, understanding one's limitations, and offering grace to others. Listeners are encouraged to recognize and address their own shortcomings, fostering a more compassionate and supportive community. The host also mentions ongoing efforts to extend the Chai Beauty community through a new website.
00:00 Welcome to Chai Beauty
00:37 Understanding Non-Responsiveness
01:49 Personal Struggles and Growth
03:34 The Importance of Apologizing
05:06 Learning from Friends
06:17 Offering Support and Empathy
07:47 Overcoming Hurt and Moving Forward
11:55 Final Thoughts and Gratitude
Hi, I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to Chai Beauty, where I get to share my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, my visions for the future. And guess what? You get to be along for this journey because we are in this together.
So can we talk for a minute about, have you ever been non responsive to someone? Um, um, and when I talk about non responsive. It means, in this book, it says like you are not paying attention to their attitude, you're not paying attention to their behavior, or feelings. And your non responsiveness can lead to you either being incomplete in yourself, or a form of narcissism.
Which it talks a lot more in depth about. But high level, I've done this. And you're probably like, okay. And it was in my incompleteness. It was in my brokenness that I was non responsive. And my non responsive was like, I had a bad attitude. So I would tell people, like in the example, he was like, you just need to figure it out.
I have told people, they just need to figure it out. And I had the capacity to help them, but I was just So hurt, and I can't even, I'm trying to think why. Um, well yes, the why was I was battling internally telling myself in college like I'm worthy of being at Baylor. I'm worthy of the things that have been afforded to me through the favor of God.
Um, I've also was dealing with like my writing, so like as I told you in previous videos, There were moments where people were like, English is your second language. And I was like, no, it's my first language. Um, and moving forward at 27, I realized the reason I probably missed words or couldn't really focus on them was because I had ADHD and my brain would just skip over itand I had no outlook for it.
And I didn't know just due to like family background. Um, and them not believing in like mental health, um, which is still no excuse for like my non responsiveness, but that I always seem like that's the content of that season that I was in, but me deciding to grow as an individual saying what I did was not okay.
If I could go back and I could remember who that person was, I would apologize to them because they didn't, what they needed was a soundboard. What they needed was whatever I had in that season, um, For them to have a moment to articulate, like, this is me hurting. And if you could just pray for me, sit with me, hang out with me, I would be better to continue to move on the way that I needed to move on.
And I am so sorry that I failed you and that God put you in my life in that season. And I couldn't help you. So where have you missed the mark?
And when I say Mr. Mark, I mean, where have you not cared about somebody's feelings? Where have you not cared about their behavior or you know is a behavior change and you've said nothing and you know deep down potentially what the issue is that you have the answer to it but you just chose not to engage?
And if we're honest with ourselves, we've been hurt. Like we've been in situations where somebody was non responsive to us and they told us to get over it. And they told us they didn't care. And they told us like we were not good enough. They told us, why are you trying to do this and it's not going to work.
They told us like, I don't understand what you're doing, but it kind of. You just need to figure something else out, or you need to continue to pray about it because I ain't got the answer, but I know what you're doing right now isn't it. Or they'll just talk about themselves, right? You're like, I came here for an issue, but now you're going back and talking about yourself, and it's not really helping me with my original question.
And being self aware now,I do talk about myself. But I also, I'm very grateful for this friend named Zahida. I try not to name, like, names in my, um, podcasts because I don't know if they want to be, like, acknowledged. But I'm grateful for her in that season because she taught me one thing. She taught me to ask people.
She taught me to ask them, like, hey, your tears are welcome here. She taught me, um, what do you need in this season? Because life changes, so what you need to A week ago, you may not need this week. Um, let's just do a check in And talk about it Or if I get on the phone, hey, I know you want to talk today, but I don't have the capacity So can we do this tomorrow Or even asking do you have the capacity for this because sometimes with that avoidant like having that avoidance trait um and that um Complaint trait You don't want to tell somebody you don't have capacity.
You want to be there for them. You want to be that good friend. And I want to tell you, it's okay if you don't have capacity today, because God will give you the resources and that cup overflowing for that person. When it's needed, you just have to figure it out and understand that when you're low, you're not your best self and you can be incomplete and you can be harsh with somebody.
But if you have the opportunity to reflect and think about it And you can apologize. I encourage you to apologize And I encourage you after that apology You figure out where you were and what caused it so that Even if you do have that original gut reaction of being like this ain't my problemYou can be like hold up Wait a minute I'm so sorry.
You're You did not deserve that. Or you don't even have to say it out your mouth. Like, you just catch yourself and you can be like, Okay, I hear you, and this is just gonna take a lot to process. So, can we, like, come back later and talk about this? Or, can I finish whatever I'm doing, and I actually give you this space and opportunity to be seen, valued, and known?
So that we actually can solve this issue together. Instead of leaving you alone. And you're not getting the best that I know I have to give you. I'm only giving you below average. Or sometimes not even satisfactory.And in that being said, for all the people that have gotten harsh comments, I'm so sorry. I am sorry that the tone wasn't right.
I'm sorry the words wasn't right. I'm sorry that that dream failed for you. I'm sorry that I, I said something to you or that person said something to you that they can never take back and it's now playing in your head over and over and it caused you to go on a different trajectory than you needed to go on.
I'm sorry that But even when your dream died and every time you try to put it back up, the words are still playing in your head. And now you have this new obstacle that you have to face to just start that dream that was just so alive that you just went to the wrong person. And they just didn't have capacity for you.
I'm sorry, and I don't know how many times I can say sorry on this podcast, but I am, because you didn't deserve that. I want to say if I could redo it and if I was that person, you can do that dream. You are so worthy of everything you have. You will meet the person that you need to meet. The people that care about you will love on you the way you needed to be loved.
And when you have the opportunity to speak up and no longer be timid, we will nurture that timidness and we nurture that, that spokenness. That we will celebrate every win that you have. We will drive, we would fly just to be with you in that moment. And even in your sadness, when you think you just can't hold on anymore, you will find that friend that will fly or drive to you, that will be with you in that moment.
And if they can't be with you in that moment, they will fall asleep with you on FaceTime and have that technology. Or if they have to be with you 24 7 on that, on that harsh moment, or that moment of sadness, they will. Because you are so worthy of it, but most important God will be there for you And he will always orchestrate everything it had to happen that way it had to be like this And you're probably saying why?
Why did it have to be this way? Why did it have to hurt me this way? Like what they said to me? I just can't forgive And you will Not today today. You can be angry today. You can be like You I never want to speak to that person again. They are just so insensitive. They don't care about me. All they do. I just need to just get away.
You are entitled to those feelings, but just remember one day it's going to be reversed. You're going to actually do something to somebody else and you're going to want them to give you grace. You want to, you're going to be like, Hey, there was just a lot going on. Or maybe you're just being selfish in a day, but you want a chance to explain yourself.
And then you're like, you don't understand this person, like what they done to me. You're right. I don't.But I know you and I know you joined this podcast because you want to grow and you want to carry more positive vibes and you just want to live your life to the fullest. And to live your life to the fullest means you gotta let that go.
Because guess what?When you're upset about it and when you see that person and you get upset with them, they are happily living their life because they don't even know. Or even if you talk to them, they're like, that ain't my problem. That's just who I am. And you're right. That's not their problem. But you know not to go to them next time.
You know that you are able to make good decisions without them because there are going to be people that are meant for you in that season that are going to encourage you and love on you like no other. So don't go to that person. Wait on what's meant for you. And it may take a long time and you may feel lonely.
But as a person that have done it, it's going to be worth it.
Hello, my friend. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen to this pod. Also, the past pods and all the ones you anticipate in the future. I've loved your comments and your reviews on Spotify. And as we continue to grow, I continue to think of other ideas. So currently, I'm investing in my website. So visit www.chaibeauty. org. There's no space. And you can see how I'm extending our community. Together. Because we are a family. So thank you