In this episode of Chai Beauty, I open up about Session Five of the When You Pray Bible study, which focuses on lament—a form of prayer I’ve always struggled with. Unlike petition or admiration, lament required me to sit with my real feelings—rejection, despair, anxiety, sorrow—and bring them honestly before God. Through this journey, I share how lament has helped me face my emotions without covering them up, create safe spaces for my grief, and trust God even when His timeline feels slow. From Hannah’s groaning prayers to recognizing my own love of money, I explore how God uses lament to build endurance, reshape priorities, and remind us He is still sovereign.
In this episode, I share my journey of learning how to lament through Session Five of When You Pray. Unlike other forms of prayer, lament pushed me to stop running from my feelings and instead bring my sorrow, rejection, and despair honestly before God. I talk about why lament is difficult, how it reveals our love for control and comfort, and how God uses even our tears to build faith, endurance, and trust in His
We’ll explore:
• Why lament is often the hardest form of prayer
• Learning to name feelings beyond “sad” or “angry”
• How lament creates safe space for grief and honesty with God
• The privilege of hearing God’s confirmation through others
• Wrestling with provision, money, and stability in faith
• How lament deepens trust in God’s will and timing
💬 Question for You:
How do you bring your sorrow to God—do you find it easy to lament, or is it still a struggle?
Hi, I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to Chai Beauty, where I get to share my thoughts, my dreams, my aspirations, my visions for the future. And guess what? You get to be along for this journey because we are in this together.
So now that we've made it to session five. This one has been the hardest one for me when it comes to prayer. I would say like from session one to four, like I was familiar with the content. I understood it, I digested it well, and it was easier for me to move forward and be like a refresher. Lament wasn't a refresher, it was just, I just didn't know how to lament.
And in the way that it's proper to lament, like I knew about groaning and crying and petition and admiration for God, but to lament, yeah, that wasn't my strongest suit. And it is also something I still struggle with today to say I picked up this book in 20. 22 and then start actually reading it in 2024.
And I was consistent and every time I got to session five, like I would just go off the rails. And honestly, I probably would've gone off the rails today. Um, because, um, it. Exactly August 25th, and this session should have been done like two or three weeks ago. But because lament was so hard for me to comprehend, digest, and work through my heart posture, it took some time.
And you're probably like Chi. Why did it take time? It's because I had to deal with my feelings and I've worked on my boundaries. I've worked on like how to receive love, how to give love, and I'm still working through those 'cause I don't do well with recognition. Uh, which is why I think it's always funny that like my top podcast is advice, uh, for words of affirmation.
It's because I can give words of affirmation very well. But when it comes to like myself, um, I wouldn't say I'm not the kindest person to myself, but I'm always like, how can I do better? How can I improve? Or like, how can I just sit in sadness instead of trying to move on from it? And then not just covering it up and saying, I'm just angry and sad, like the basic wordss we learn as children, but being like, no, I feel rejected, I feel abandoned, I feel despair, I have anxiety, I have sorrow.
Um, and what does that look like? And so lament made me just in the beginning of your, it just made me sit there and be like, how do I feel? And, and feelings. Are so complex and so hard to do at moments because feelings are fleeting, but there are warnings of what's to come or what you feel about a situation.
And I did like this, but because it also made me sit back and feel realize like, do I even have I created a safe space for me? Have I created a place where I. Completely feel honest about my feelings and I can go there. And I'm not saying go there with a person like a human being. 'cause all human beings will fail you.
Right? But are you intentional with your sadness? Like where you put it, how you deal with it, how you cope with it? And if I'm being honest, it's a yes and no question for me, yes, I'm intentional where I put that feelings. And how I express them because I don't want to bleed out on somebody, or I don't want it to feel like you complain about the situation over and over.
But you're not doing anything to fix the situation That can look like insanity where you're trying to get different results, but you're doing the same thing. So I have to ask you, how are you dealing with your feelings? How are you figuring out what your safe place is?
So when it comes to the no part of my journey, I realized in the season that everyone, um, switched places in my life. Um, and then there were some relationships that like I had to say, this is how I feel about this. Does not serve me anymore. So what do I need to do to move on? What decisions do I have to make?
Um, and some decisions came with like a heart racing like mentality, and I had to be like, God, this is the only opportunity or option I see at the moment. Please help me, keep me calm and this isn't your will then. Let it not go through. Let let something else come. And if it is your will, like I know I have your head of protection.
I know that you're a good God. I know that in my seasons of being able to talk to you and say how good you are in the admiration I have for you, that you're gonna lead me on the right path. But we have to go back to my feelings like I'm in sorrow like. I have spent more time crying than I ever had. I spend more time in, not in anxiety.
That was probably like two seasons ago, but I'm aware of those anxieties and how do I respond in a slow manner, but a respectful and a wise one because. The anxiety, the depression, the despair isn't for someone else to carry. That's my own burden. And it shouldn't, they, people shouldn't be able to give a moment of their time that when they say something to me, I'm so reactive.
They have to judge my reactions and they have to decide yes or no if they're going to share something. Um, I say that in a sense of. Yes, you should know who you're talking to, but at the same time, you should also understand like your different players on your team. And so. I would say like God has always been my coach, right?
On my team. Like he's always been there, he's always been guiding me. I knew of him. Um, but in this season he was like, you know what? I'm gonna get off the sidelines and I wanna be your quarterback. Like, I'm gonna like kick this ball for you. Like I'm go like, I I got you. And that was different because. It makes every other relationship that you've had, like your, your person, right, your best friend, your close friends, like they kind of dip.
Like your heart isn't like, ooh, like cut them off type of relationship. It's just like it doesn't serve you in the season, so you have to get closer to God. And me getting closer to God is really, um. Interesting because like while I'm in sorrow, he's continued to tell me have peace, have that understanding that like it does get better, but like potentially we're gonna be in the season for a while.
And just like with everyone else, job, Isaiah, uh, Peter, we're like, so how long is this season? And he's like, just relax, relax. And he's like, I see you, I hear you. I'm collecting your tears. And you're like. Okay. That's cool. And. I'm not. Okay. And so I've been reminded over and over and I think it's a privilege that like not only God does God talk to me, but I'm able to go in different spaces.
And whatever he told me in like my silent time with him, in the back of like my head when I'm talking to him, it's actually showcasing around me. So it's like dejavu, like he'll say something to me and then either at church. And a person will say it to me again. And so I have the privilege not to only hear him in the back of my head, but see the signs and see people speak into me that don't even know what I'm talking about with Jesus, but they're confirming it.
And so that's also why Lament was hard for me because like, not only am I talking about my feelings, but I'm also telling him like what I need. And I've been in that season like Hannah, that we talked to her prior, where honestly I just was crying and groaning. Like there wasn't no words to what I needed until earlier this week where it was like, um, I was in a class and they were talking about leadership and.
There was like some attributes you could not have. And I realized I have a love for money. Like baby, I want tea. I like to be stable, I like to be healthy. But I also realized that there were some things I lacked, um, like I understand like appeal, like education wise. Like I understand what a profit, a loss statement is.
I understand assets and losses, I understand dividends, I understand all these things, right? But let's get to the foundation of light. What does living below your means look like without compromising? Your, not your integrity, but not compromising like what you like because you can live below your knees and hate where you live.
And I'm the type of person where I love where I live, but in the season I had to be like, okay, this isn't serving me anymore. So like, what does that look like? Does that look like me getting a roommate? Does that look like, because I want to travel, right? I want to save money, I wanna do all these things.
So like something has to go and I. Last year I cut back all my expenses, like I stopped paying for like Netflix and all these things and I wasn't getting anywhere, and I was like. I'm getting a part-time job and I'm still not moving. Like I feel like I'm moving 10 or 15 spaces back, right? And so I had to come to God and be like, Hey, I have this love for money.
Um, I don't want this anymore. I have this part-time job. I'm only gonna do 20 hours. Like I'm not about to try to do 40 hours at my main job and 32 at my other job. It's like, that doesn't serve me. I'm gonna burn out. So like I believe that you're a provisional God and I believe that you're a good God. So if you're a provisional God and good God, I'm gonna do these 20 hours, right?
And I, and if I have the privilege to take more hours, if you say so. Then cool, we're gonna do that, but I'm not gonna do it myself. And lastly, even though I'm going through all this, I know your will be, will be done. Like I know at the end of the day, like you are here for me. You'll have the final say for me.
You, you will orchestrate my stats, even if I'm just like out here, heart racing, pound sweaty, and not in despair, but definitely over here. Like, Ooh, I don't. I don't know. I hope this is the right decision. I think this is the right decision. He hasn't told me anything else, uh, about this. Like, so I got a belief like I'm gonna do, like this is gonna do the right thing.
And working through Lament that caused me to have that outlook. So lament was hard for me, and it can be hard for you, but I encourage you to read. When you pray, I encourage you to just. Learn about yourself. Learn about your feelings, learn about what you need, and also just know that God will have your back and will be there for you.
Thank you. Thank you for all the support. I see it and I am growing mighty, and I have some news. I have done a lot of projects. Since I've been gone, I would like you to visit my website, subscribe to my Spotify, and go to my Patreon account. It's Chai OnCore Beauty, just like this podcast so you can get all the latest updates.
I can't wait to see you there because we are in this together, my friend. I look forward to seeing.